Bongo, Brit Sketch, Davipalooza, Liana, Juan, and I saw Monsters versus Aliens on Tuesday night, and I deserve six free popcorns for hotlinking to each and every one of them. Okay, just kidding, but seriously, we actually did see it before it releases to the general public on Friday. So I know that I have technically opened this new draft of a thing on Wednesday night, a whole 24 hours after the event of having seen the movie, and I know that usually bloggers and writers are all about getting this stuff out there before anyone else does and being first on the block and all, but…Nothing.
That’s how much MvA inspired me. Very little, if at all. I did not race to the keyboard after having caught a free sneak preview, and that should say something.
Of course, the movie had its moments, but that’s like saying “Oh yes, that dog has fur,” unless, of course, it’s a hairless chihuahua or Gus Van Sant’s Elephant and it’s supposed to be completely devoid of furry moments or momentous fur. I liked BOB as much as I like Gak, which is to say, I would have maybe liked him more fifteen years ago – JESUS CHRIST I’M OLD.
I did not like seeing a 3-D IMAX close-up of Reese Witherspoon’s Susan Murphy lips. I did not feel much of anything for the characters and their shallow back stories. I was essentially mildly amused throughout all of it.
I did like Insectosaurus, and I wish they could have spent more time on that funny furry thing. Especially his dancing. Something about big awkward things dancing always appeals to me. But something tells me that my affinity for Insectosaur was deeply rooted in the uncanny likeness between him and Horton Hears a Who’s Katie, one of my favorite CG characters ever.
And so, because I’m a purist who prefers her chocolate dark with at least 60% cocoa instead of the watered down, sugary butter crap they pull off as white chocolate, here’s Katie, the original big-eyed furry thing. And, cause why the Hell not, it’s remixed:
That’s unfortunate for DreamWorks, because Kung Fu Panda had me so jazzed and impressed. It’s also unfortunate for us, because they’re just going to make 16,000 more Shreks. And that is not what the world needs.