I just spent two weeks in the Midwest, end-capped by a weekend in Park City, Utah. It was probably the most challenging trip I’ve ever taken. Who even goes to the Midwest in the frikkin’ middle of January? The FADE Squad does, that’s who. After pounding the frozen pavement for ten-ish days, I flew into Utah to reunite with Bill and help Myrna the Monster win the hearts of all of Sundance. Here it all is, by the numbers:
- Meeting with the Chief of Police of Saint Cloud, Minnesota
- Caribou Coffee Hot Chocolates: dark with whipped cream, syrup on top
- Soups That were Actually Just Cheese: “What’s your soup of the day?” “Wisconsin cheddar.” (Also: Country Kitchen and Smoked Gouda something)
- Pairs of Shoes I Brought: including two new pairs of waterproof and water-resistant Palladiums, freshly Scotch-Guarded Matt Bernsons, and my “Kermit” Adidas. Each of them was totally necessary and indispensable.
- Broken Fingernails
- Sick Teammates: That’s six sick teammates out of six teammates. You do the math.
- Beanies: I set off with three, then pumped up my knit topper game thanks to the University of South Dakota, South Dakota State University, Saint Cloud State University, and BuzzFeed.
- Photos of Puns in my Camera Roll (The locals also fire off idioms faster than I can tweet.)
- x10 Utterances of “Oh, gosh!” in the pitch and tone of a native Midwesterner
- Bruises: This is just an estimate because I am constantly bruised. In my thirty-fun years of being a tender peach, I’ve learned it’s kind of pointless to keep track after ten.
- Myrna Instagrams Published to the Official @sundanceinstitute Account: It’s official. She’s a star!
¡BONUS! Celeb Sighting List
- 3 Freaks & Geeks Cast Members: Seth Rogen on a connecting flight into LAX, James Franco ablur in Park City, and Jason Segel in his second encounter with a Mei daughter (lucky him)
- 1 Chris Pine blowing his nose while promoting Z for Zachariah with Chiwetel Ejiofor and the unjustifiably picture-ready Margot Robbie
- 1 Confused Zachary Quinto
- 3 Moments of Direct Eye Contact with Myrna Initiated by Lena Dunham (Lena’s totally a fan)
- 1 Impromptu Immaculate Side Braid by celebrity hairstylist Jamal Hammadi for Myrna (P.S. For two-plus years now, I bring a bottle of his Hamadi Organics Healing Serum everywhere I travel. It was totally necessary during this exaggeratedly cold trip. I’m not getting paid to write this. I just love his stuff! [Pick up his Shea Hair Mask, too!])
- 1 Ryan Reynolds in requisite buffalo plaid
- 1 Glowing Heap of Gratitude to Tamar at PMK•BNC for allowing the Myrna IG Crew get some true, non-fried nourishment at the Cafe: Animal served up a crispy pork belly bowl that made us all cry thug tears.